The day it all began

Christmas.

That word sparks a thousand images in our minds, some of them good, some of them... less than pleasant. As a child, I (tried) to patiently wait the agonizingly long month between Thanksgiving and Christmas and by the Christmas Eve service at church, all I wanted to do was go to sleep so I could wake up and it would be Christmas.

And then I grew up.

And that terrible thing that happens to children when they turn into adults (that all children swear won't happen to them) happened to me. I saw suffering on one side of the globe and disgusting excess on the other. I heard people who love each other tear each other down with their words because of the stress of "the holidays." There was no "peace on earth" and very little "goodwill toward men" going around. People were still acting like people, just dressed up in fancy holiday clothes.

And it made me cynical.

I know, I know. I'm 23 years old and I just called myself cynical. But its true. "What's the point?" I asked myself. "Why do we do this every year!"

The point is this: Jesus.

The woman in the sparkly, red Christmas dress needs Jesus. The exhausted Wal-Mart employee who has dealt with the sparkly, red Christmas dress need Jesus. The 5-year old son of the Wal-Mart employee needs Jesus. The 5-year old son's teacher needs Jesus. The teacher's husband needs Jesus.
You need Jesus.
I need Jesus.

When you look around you and see the fighting and cold shoulders and stress induced outbursts that everyone makes jokes of for the rest of the year, you're looking at the reason we have Christmas at all.

Because that's human nature. That's why we need Jesus. To save us from ourselves, and for that He gave Himself. He took on our flesh so we could take on His nature.

Sometimes people call Christmas Jesus' birthday, and, I suppose, that's true. But it's so much more than that. The Christmas Jesus is a sweet, tiny baby. The bloody Jesus on the cross is for Easter. It would be more comfortable to keep Him there- to not get the manger dirty with blood. But that's impossible, for they are one and the same Jesus. Because of Christmas, Easter happened. Because of Christmas Pentecost happened. And because of Christmas Revelation 21 and 22 will happen. Christmas day it all began.

It's that day that the great divide between men and God was breached. The day the Champion entered the ring. The day heaven and earth kissed.  The day hope was renewed in tired, watchful souls. The day light came into darkness. The day of the Bridegroom. The day that promises made in the Garden of Eden were kept.

Jesus said, "Abraham rejoiced to see My day, and he saw it and was glad." Let's follow Abraham's example and rejoice this Christmastime. Be happy and enjoy the festivities and uniquely Christmas activities, yes. But most of all, rejoice that salvation came to you. Revel in who Jesus is, both baby and man, and what He did in the manger and on the cross.  

By reason of use...

I can't even say how many times I've read Hebrews. At least a hundred times. Maybe more. And always there's something new to read. Old familiar words that suddenly stick out at you like a shred of blue sky in a thunderstorm.

In speaking about spiritual maturity, the author of Hebrews says this:

"For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again... For everyone who partakes of milk only is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil."

I think many Christians are familiar with the milk/solid food analogy that Paul also uses. Baby Christians need the basics, the milk, of the Word. And as you mature in the Spirit, you are able to handle the deeper, more difficult things in the Word.

Makes sense. But it's the second part of that verse that stopped me.

"...who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil."

That phrase "by reason of use" is so fundamental to understanding maturity. As I was thinking about this, God dropped an illustration into my head. Last semester I learned, in theory, how to place the leads for an EKG and read the results on the paper full of squiggly lines. I learned how to spot abnormalities in the chart and some of the possible causes for said abnormalities. What I did not learn is how to administer the test. I know the theory behind the test but I have no experience in giving the test. "By reason of use" a certified technician is qualified to administer an EKG test and accurately read the results. Were I to practice and receive training I too, could responsibly administer the EKG.

The same is true in our spiritual lives. We can read the Word; we can quote the Word; we can sing the Word; we can paint it on our houses and fences and post it online. But until we engage in life with Word, we will always be babies in need of milk.

There comes a time when the classroom is no longer a sufficient training ground. You have to stop reading it only and go and do. You can read "Forgive your brother seventy times seven times" your entire life and still carry a grudge against someone. Reading the word "forgive" is not the same as the act of forgiving.  The act shows your faith.

The act of holding your tongue when you want to give someone a piece of your mind- that is you, engaging in battle with the enemy. That is you, boots on the ground, in the trenches, giving feet to your faith. Not in your own strength, of course. But "He who promised is faithful."

Sometimes I would prefer to stay in the classroom. I could spend all day in Hebrew and Greek dictionaries, dissecting the word forgive. I could write copious essays on the importance of forgiveness and all the wrongs that could be righted if people would just forgive each other. At the end of the day I pack my books and stride out the door, confident that I've made great progress in my maturity. After all, I understand all about forgiveness now. And in the hallway I meet someone who has hurt me. Badly. Deeply. I walk past quickly. No smile. No greeting. Nothing.

And I realize that I am still just a baby, needing milk.

We all have areas of strength and others of weakness. None of us got to be strong without work and perseverance. Without the "reason of use."

I want to be a mature Christian. The name of this blog and the verse the concept comes from is 2 Timothy 2:15, "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." This is the picture of a mature Believer. One who has seen battle and triumphed. One who has proved his love and faith by holding fast to the truth. This is the one whom God approves. The one who takes Him at His word and is a hearer of the Word, yes. But is also a doer.

Maturity comes with a cost. You learn by experience and sometimes experience beats you up. But I'd rather be bruised and wise than beautiful and foolish.

Sanctuary dark and quiet. Eyes closed. Hands opened before me. The song starts and I sing along. 

{You provide the fire and I'll provide the sacrifice.}

The words stick in my throat as the enormity of what I'm praying hits me. 

You, the Eternal Father, the Holy Amen, the Pillar of Smoke and Fire, come and consume. What I lay before you is something that is part of me. It is so close to me I feel the heat of Your fire on my soul. What I lay before You I long to snatch up and preserve from Your fire because I love it. I love it when I should love You. I desire it like I should desire You. So here it is, on Your altar awaiting Your fire. Come and consume. Burn it until there is nothing but ashes left. Nothing of value or worth. Blow the ashes into the wind with the breath of Your Spirit. I long to desire You more than any other thing my eyes can see, my hands can touch, my ears can hear, or my tongue can taste. I will bear the heat of the blaze, the exquisite pain of being burned by You because I know that You will at last bring me forth as gold refined. 

Holy Fire, come and consume. 

Tonight at sundown, the Jewish Feast of Purim begins. The story behind the Feast is well know though not many people will recognize the name Purim. It is the Hebrew word for "lots" as in, casting lots. The story of Purim is the story of a young peasant girl of great beauty who was taken from her home and placed in the palace where she eventually became queen of a great kingdom. It is the story of a heroine who, with grace and courage, saves millions of lives. It is the story of Esther.

Many Christians are at least partially familiar with Esther's story: the young woman who, because of her beauty, found favor with a cruel king and was made his queen. Unknown to the king, the people of his new queen were to be annihilated by the king's wicked right-hand man; but with stunning courage, the queen confronts both the king and his head honcho and saves the lives of millions of people. 

The Feast of Purim is about rejoicing in the providential  protection and deliverance of the nation of Israel, and by extension, all the children of the promise. Because it's not a major feast like Passover or Yom Kippur, Purim is often over looked in the Messianic explanations of the Jewish feasts. But there are beautiful parallels in the story of Purim and Yeshua.

The first one that comes to mind is a section of my most favorite verses of the entire Bible. Revelation 19:11- 16.

 Now I saw the heaven opened, and behold a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. Now out of his mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of the Almighty God. And He has on His robe and His thigh a name written: King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

This is the picture of the ultimate Hero, Jesus. Just as the Jews have always had enemies that try to annihilate them, so we as Christians have an enemy that constantly seeks to destroy us. In the Purim story, the enemy is Haman, the king's head honcho. In your life and in mine, it's the Father of Lies. And like Esther in the Purim story, this warrior Jesus stood ready in our defense and committed the ultimate act of deliverance for the sake of His people at the cost of His own life. 

Someday, when the whole of creation is gathered to the marriage supper of the Lamb, we will celebrate Ha'Gadol Purim, the Great Purim. We will celebrate the deliverance of the Bride by her Hero and Bridegroom, Jesus the Warrior Lamb. 

A Knight in a Stetson

Sometimes I get this (completely wrong but very real) feeling that it's just me. That nothing will get done in my life unless I do it. That if I don't take care of me, nobody will. 

I know Jesus is always there, just like the Bible says. I know He loves me enough to die for me. I know that there is nowhere I can go that He can't see me. 

I know all that. In my head. But sometimes my heart feels alone. Like there's no one out there who really cares for my heart. 

But that's a lie straight from the enemy. And to prove that to me, Jesus sent me a Knight in Shining Armor. Let me tell you the story. 

It was Friday night and I was flying home for the weekend. I was excited about going home but it was late and I was exhausted from a long week and a major exam I had taken that morning. I had almost missed my departing flight and was still feeling like I was running behind. 

When I got to the layover airport, I ran around the entire thing at least twice because the gate kept changing. I'm a pretty seasoned flyer but I was rather frazzled by the time I reached the appropriate gate. I was icky and hot and hungry. So I went and found a Smoothie King and picked up a bottle of Naked. Everyone else must have had the same idea as I did because I swear half the airport was in line ahead of me. "That's fine," I thought. "I'll just stand here until I'm 90, breaking my shoulder with this backpack." 

Finally it was my turn to checkout. I put my little bottle on the counter and hand the girl my card. She runs it. And then runs it again. And then again. That sinking feeling hit my stomach. I had been having issues with my card- it would randomly work and then randomly not work, Apparently, this was a randomly not working day. 

"Do you have another card?" she asks. I shake my head. 

"Could you try it one more time, please?" I ask. Please, please work. She ran it again and shook her head. Be polite, it's not her fault. You didn't really need a drink anyways. I thanked her, apologized and put away my (worthless) card. The woman behind me in line sweetly offered to pay for my drink but I said no. "Thank you, ma'am but it's fine." And I walked away. 

I found an empty place on the hallway floor and sat where I could see my gate. I tried to calm down and not think about how thirsty I was. And tried to ignore the panic I felt rising up inside me. I was pretty much stuck in this place with no access to money. 

I had my head leaned back against the wall, staring at the carpet, when a pair of very polished cowboy boots stopped in front of me. "Excuse me, young lady." 

My head snapped up. "Yes, sir?" A huge white Stetson and a very well tailored suit screamed "rich Dallas businessman." What in the world? 

"Were you trying to buy something earlier?" WHAT?? Getting a little creeped out here. 

"Uhhh... yes sir?"  He reached into his briefcase and pulled out my abandoned blueberry Naked and a Cliff bar and handed them to me. What should I say? Should I take them? Never take things from strangers!  I opened my mouth to refuse and "Oh my gosh. Thank you, sir!" came out. 

"You're very welcome, ma'am." He picked up his briefcase and walked down the hall. And disappeared. 

I sat there holding the juice bottle, wondering if it was ok to drink it. After all it was from a stranger. 

Then that voice I have come to know as Jesus' said, "Hey, I love you." Thanks, Jesus. I know you do. 

"No. Tori, I love you." 

And then I understood. He loves me. He saw me, a tired, sweaty, hungry mess on the airport floor. And He loved me. So He sent me a Knight in a white Stetson to show me how much He loved me. In a real, tangible way. I love when He makes a verse pop out that tells me how much He loves me. But its so spectacular when He shows it. 

And I promptly burst into tears. Right there in the middle of the airport.  

Y'all, Jesus loves. 

That's so simple and something we might say on a daily basis. But stop for a minute and really  think about what that means. 

I have no idea if that man have any idea that He was being the hands and feet of Jesus to me. But he was. 

Let's be Knights, people. Let's follow the promptings of the King of Love and be Knights to those around us. Because I want to be a part of making others feel the love of Jesus the way I did that night in the airport.  

Go and Do Likewise

"When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?"

That question from Luke 18 pierced my soul to the core. What a question to ask the Church! "Is there faith on the earth?" Of course there is! There is the Church, right?

But does it follow that because the Church exists there is faith in it?

The heartbreaking answer is no.

In Luke 17, the disciples say to Jesus, "Increase our faith." So Jesus tells them a parable of a servant and a master.

"Suppose one of you has a servant who comes in from plowing the field or tending the sheep. Would you take his coat, set the table, and say, 'Sit down and eat'? Wouldn't you be more likely to say, 'Prepare dinner; change your clothes and wait table for me until I've finished my coffee; then go to the kitchen and have your supper'? Does the servant get special thanks for doing what's expected of him? It's the same with you. When you've done everything expected of you, be matter-of-fact and say, 'The work is done. What we were told to do, we did.'"

I thought for a long time about that parable and how it possibly applied to the increase of faith. How could I take this teaching of Jesus and apply it with effectiveness to my life? I think the key of this parable is the expectation of the master.

The Master expects that the servant will be busy doing the work the Master instructed him to do, whether it is plowing the field, tending sheep, or waiting on the Master during dinner. The Master expects the servant to fulfill his wishes without being told over and over again.

So what does that mean for me? Go back to the Gospels and read what Jesus expects us to do.        "Forgive your brother seven times seventy."

"Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength."

"Ask in faith and it shall be done for you."

"Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you."

"Believe in God, believe also in Me."

"Come to Me to find your rest."

"Be salt. Be light. And don't hide it."

On and on the list could run. There are so many verses that are treated like a "Get Well Soon" card. "Read these when you're having a hard day. Read these when you're tired. Read these when you're angry..." yadi yada.... But read them closely. 

{They are instructions.}

What does ask God of you? What does Jesus expect of you? To forgive. To love Him above all else. To petition Him in faith. To bless those who hurt you... you can finish the list.

And that is what Jesus told His disciples to do to increase their faith.

 Do what He has already instructed. 

There is some interesting wording in the last sentence of that parable. It says (in the NLT), "We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty."  The word "unworthy" is also translated "unprofitable." The Greek word used is achreios and it's a play on words, a little Greek hyperbole. It gives the sense of self-deprecating piety, as if the servant is only worthy to call himself "worthy" if he goes beyond what is expected of him in his duty. 

In that sense, we all unworthy servants because we constantly fall short of our duty, fall short of what He has explicitly instructed us to do. We fall short every time we judge fellow Believer. Every time we parade our good deeds so that others might see them. Every time we come to His presence carrying a grudge against someone. 

"When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?" 

Fellow servants, we have a duty to perform. We have instructions from the Master. Stop chasing elusive definitions of faith and lofty systematic steps to increasing your faith. 

Go and do. 

That ultimate expression of faith- to ACT on the words of One in whom you have faith. 

Holding On

"And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who though faith and patience inherit the promises. For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself."

Hebrews 6:11-13

Sluggish is just not an attractive word. It brings to mind many not-so-beautiful mental pictures; anything from pale, slimy slugs to stopped up plumbing pipes and many nasty things in between. And it doesn't even look nice when you write it. It's just not a nice word. And one I would definitely not like to have used to describe my spiritual life. 

What would make a person sluggish? There are as many answers for that as there are people in this big, old world. We all have weak spots, vulnerabilities. We all have an affinity for certain temptations. We all have character deficiencies that we never bother to address because it will be painful. Any or all of those could cause us to be sluggish. They steal our energy for life. They make us doubtful. They make us sad and tired. 

{But perhaps the worst thing is that they steal our hope. }

Hope is one of the most potent forces in the human experience.  A lack of hope kills our creativity, kills our joy, kills our curiosity, kills our desire to live. Without hope, we wither and die. We die emotionally, spiritually  and sometimes physically. Hope is entwined with our very life force. 

Yet hope seems elusive, that thing that is always just beyond reach. One look at the world around us will show that. The gray masses drift from here to there, little caring one way or the other because they have no hope. No future. No reason to care. Nothing left to hope for.

Except for one thing: Jesus. And that's all the reason I need. 

"Because of Jesus, we have hope." How many times have we who have grown up in the Church heard that? Thousands of times? Millions?? Maybe. But pretend that you have never heard that statement before. 

"Because of Jesus, we have hope." 

Because of the God who became a baby... 

Because of that baby who became a carpenter...

Because of that carpenter who willingly became a sacrifice and  spilled out His lifeblood...

Because of that sacrifice who became a warrior and single-handedly charged the gates of Hell... 

Because of that warrior who became the champion of Life as proof of His triumph over Death...

Because of that champion who returned to Heaven as an eternally scarred prince...

Because of that prince who is using His carpenter hands to build a glorious dwelling place for His bride...

He is why we have hope. Not just for right now. Not just for Sunday mornings. For the rest of your life. For the rest of eternity. 

So be diligent in your seeking of the Source of hope. Pursue Him with all your might. Imitate in faith and perseverance those who have obtained the promises already, because they sought out hope. 

And when the motivation runs out, remember Who promised hope. Remember that He swore by Himself. So take heart. 

Grasp that promise and hold on for dear life.  

We met around a kitchen table, myself and 2 other ladies. We talked about being relentless in our pursuit of God. We talked about the battlefield of our minds and hearts, about victories we've had and also of defeats.  

We talked about grace. 

We talked about the Blood. 

We talked about what it means to never give up.

We talked about those heavy, theological topics around a white kitchen table, with dishes drying in the rack on the counter and a broom  standing in the corner. Because that's real. That's where life happens: In the kitchen of a home belonging to ordinary people who live and love The Name. 

Wrestling with theology isn't only for philosophers in their secluded towers or preachers in their pulpits. It is for everyone. For the foot soldiers in the trenches of everyday, not-so-extraordinary lives. For you. For me. Because God gave us minds. Beautiful, strong, complex minds. Minds with which we think and reason and wrestle with the biggest, most difficult questions in the universe. 

Today I was part of that discussion. What a sobering, exciting privilege it was to share real life with my fellow soldiers around that kitchen table! 

A new year is time for new beginnings. And a good reason to look to the Beginning of all things, to Him Who holds all beginnings and endings in the palm of His hand. To remember who we are, where we come from and where we are going. 

1 John 1:1-18

In the beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being. In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men. And the Light shines on in the darkness, for the darkness has never overpowered it [put it out or absorbed it or appropriated it, and is unreceptive to it]. 

There came a man sent from God, whose name was John. This man came to witness, that he might testify of the Light, that all men might believe in it [adhere to it, trust it, and rely upon it] through him. He was not the Light himself, but came that he might bear witness regarding the Light. There it was--the true Light [was then] coming into the world [the genuine, perfect, steadfast Light] that illumines every person. 

He came into the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him [did not know Him]. He came to that which belonged to Him [to His own--His domain, creation, things, world], and they who were His own did not receive Him and did not welcome Him. 

But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority (power, privilege, right) to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name-- Who owe their birth neither to bloods nor to the will of the flesh [that of physical impulse] nor to the will of man [that of a natural father], but to God. [They are born of God!]  

And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth. 

John testified about Him and cried out, This was He of Whom I said, He Who comes after me has priority over me, for He was before me. [He takes rank above me, for He existed before I did. He has advanced before me, because He is my Chief.] For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and we were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift. 

For while the Law was given through Moses, grace (unearned, undeserved favor and spiritual blessing) and truth came through Jesus Christ. No man has ever seen God at any time; the only unique Son, or the only begotten God, Who is in the bosom [in the intimate presence] of the Father, He has declared Him [He has revealed Him and brought Him out where He can be seen; He has interpreted Him and He has made Him known].